


Life is Wasted on the Living

by CougarDraven



Category: DCU (Comics), Green Lantern - All Media Types, The Flash - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Post-Heroes in Crisis (DCU), canon is overrated, elements of all continuities because that's how it should be anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 08:38:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18937369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CougarDraven/pseuds/CougarDraven
Summary: Wally West isn't the only person who lost large pieces of their life.And every time Kyle Rayner comes to Earth, he loses someone he loves.





	Life is Wasted on the Living

The chill in the air was crisp in his nose, as he inhaled, a deep breath to remind him that he was alive. Against all odds, alive, awake, and safe. At least, safe for now. He was aware that even though he was Kyle Rayner, Torchbearer, Last of the Green Lanterns, he couldn't guarantee his own longevity. Especially not here. "Here", in this case, being the Arctic tundra. It had been a long week.

Slowly, meticulously, Kyle pulled himself up to his feet. One hand held to his side to stifle the pain of walking, he used his free hand to balance on hard, cold promethium, as he staggered towards his shelter. Everything hurt. But that wasn't surprising. He felt broken inside, and maybe he was. It had been a hard landing. Building the shelter had taken most of a day, and all the remaining energy in his ring. After that, he’d passed out for what he thought had been a night. But it might have been longer. The sun had been up when he lost consciousness, and it had been up when he regained it, but for all he knew, it may never have actually gone down at all. He hadn’t been on Earth a lot lately. Not since…

Not since Wally.

* * *

The blood streaming down his face really should have bothered him, as should have the shrapnel wound in his side. But frankly, the only thing he noticed was his fury at the crimson-skinned tyrant in yellow that he was fighting.

“She was your _daughter_ , Thaal!”

“She was no concern of yours, _alley rat_. Neither in life nor in death.”

Had Kyle still had access to the entire spectrum, he would have blazed red in his rage and fury. As it was, all he could do was channel it into his will and slam Sinestro into, and partially through, a wall using a construct. All his pain came out through the ragged tear in his voice as he shouted.

“Do you think that matters? She was your family. She was mine, too, for a while. Just because we couldn’t make it work doesn’t mean I don’t still care!”

* * *

It wasn’t the first time he’d left. Not really. It really hadn’t been that long, in the grand scheme of things, since what had happened to Terry. That time, he thought he was just taking a break for a bit because his own emotions would get in the way of his friend’s healing. He hadn’t realized until later that to others, it looked like he was running away from those same emotions. But Terry was older now, a proper man, and he and Kyle had sat down and talked, talked late into the night, on more than one occasion. Terry understood Kyle, and Kyle Terry.

He’d tried to stick around, but after a long tour undercover breaking up an intergalactic crime syndicate, he’d returned home to find that it had moved on just fine without him. John Stewart had filled his shoes well on the Justice League. The life he’d left behind no longer seemed to have a place for him. And to top it all off, while he was trying to find some scraps of it left to put together, his mother had apparently been killed by a government agent. Granted, she hadn’t actually been, but that had been the final straw, and Kyle packed his things again and returned to the stars for another few months. Until Jordan. Hal Jordan, and Parallax, and the return of Sinestro.

After that, he’d been busy. He had helped the Guardians rebuild the Green Lantern Corps. He had helped end an interplanetary war that could kill billions. He had been the host of two separate cosmic entities, and he had tried to form a romantic relationship, which had failed, because of the one thing that had been hanging over his head ever since he had come back to Earth: Jade. He loved Jade. He always would love Jade. But he had left, and she had moved on, and then she had died, and in a lot of ways he never did move on. And Soranik always noticed it. Eventually, even though he tried so very hard to make it work, one thing had led to another, and they went their separate ways.

* * *

Over the years, Kyle had learned not to be distracted easily, so ignoring the klaxon’s high-pitched whine was easy. The fire, not so much. That said, it was simpler to go through the fire itself than to go around, so Kyle ignored it, even though he was pretty sure his charge was getting low and his force-field would fail soon. And he didn’t want to have to deal with treating burns. So he followed Sinestro through the maze of corridors, dodging burning debris and shrapnel, chasing the tyrant. He wasn’t even supposed to be here. He would have used his Justice League communicator to call someone else in to assist, but the first thing he’d seen was Sinestro standing over the broken body of his daughter, Kyle’s ex, Soranik Natu. She was still wearing yellow, but Kyle had given up on fixing _that_ the day she’d branded him. And in truth, he didn’t know for sure whether Sinestro was responsible, but he wasn’t really in the mood to give him a chance to explain.

So he chased his quarry through the burning wreckage that had once been, and was rapidly becoming something other than the Justice League Watchtower. He didn’t know what Sinestro wanted, or why he had chosen now to attack, but he wasn’t particularly interested in finding out. He just wanted to stop him. He recognized his own rage, and fury, saw that while ordinarily he’d be quipping in battle both to disarm and because it was fun, there was no humor in this. Only catching Sinestro, and putting him down. Maybe for good. He hadn’t decided yet.

* * *

He probably would have headed home after that, back to Earth, to try to pick up whatever was left, but there were other things to do. There were always other things to do. Along the way, he picked up the ability to channel all parts of the emotional spectrum. Along the way, he lost it. There were other opportunities he had had to try to be with someone else again, but they all faltered in their own way. He ended up dating Carol Ferris, the Star Sapphire, who he had met through her ex, his former partner, Hal Jordan, which was something that made Kyle tend to think that he was some sort of awkwardness magnet. That had fallen through. Which, honestly, wasn’t surprising. His love life was a shambles. His first *serious* girlfriend had been murdered in an attempt to get to him. His next, Donna Troy, was a rebound. They were still friends, at least Kyle liked to *think* of them as friends, and he would always love her, but they didn’t work out. And then there was Jade.

There would be others after her. There was Soranik, of course. There was Carol. There was even a little weird flirtation thing he had going on with Jason Todd, when they weren’t trying to kill each other with words. But there was always Jade. They’d been friends first, with Jade helping him cope with life as a roommate well before anything happened between them. And unlike Alex, Kyle had actually been an adult when he met Jade, so the growing pains of his life were mostly done by that point. And so were hers. They fit together, in a way that Kyle had never thought could happen, in a way that he struggled to let go, even years later.

* * *

Sinestro’s blows landed hard. They always had. Sinestro was a brawler, but he commanded pure power, and he did it well. As a result, it was hard to truly ever gain an advantage over him. But Kyle was beyond worrying about his own safety, beyond holding back, and he was beyond trying to gain an advantage. He just wanted to fight, and to win. So no matter how many heavy hits he took from Sinestro, he gave as many, or more, in return, and soon, both men were bloody and ragged.

Kyle pushed himself to his feet, limping on what very well might have been a broken leg, thought briefly about renewing his attack on Sinestro, but instead, decided to ask a question.

“Why’d you kill her?”

Of all the things he’d expected in response, he was not prepared for laughter.

And tears.

* * *

It had taken Kyle quite some time to make sense of what Wally West was. When they’d met, Kyle was fresh-faced and new to the idea of being a lantern, and even though they were of an age, Wally had so much experience being a hero, so they almost naturally took a dislike to each other. Kyle not being Hal Jordan, Wally’s beloved “uncle”, didn’t help much either. That said, over the years they discovered that they both knew the weight of wearing another’s shoes, and being expected to fill them. They also knew what it was like to be seen as immature by the older, more established members of their community. So, over time, they became close friends.

When Wally got married, Kyle was there. When Wally’s kids were born, Kyle was there to help as best he could. He never got to really be friends, per se, with Linda, but he did try. In truth, Wally was a better friend in a lot of ways, because he at least accepted the help. When Donna left, Wally was there, but Kyle wasn’t listening. When Terry had been assaulted, Wally had been there too, but Kyle couldn’t handle it, and left. The only time Kyle hadn’t been able to turn to his friend for advice had been when Jade died, and in truth, he wouldn’t have done it then either. Wally had always been easier to confide in others.

And then came the day, a few years later. Kyle had been in the Watchtower, taking a brief pause after his latest intergalactic mission, and he heard the knock on his door, and for a brief moment, he didn’t recognize the redhead or his bright green eyes, but when he did, his world shifted. He didn’t know he’d ever forgotten Wally. His friend, his brother. He was ashamed of himself in the moment, even though Wally told him not to be. In time, though, he grew accustomed to his friend being there.

But Wally came back alone. He brought back with him memories of times long past, including the realization that whenever his memory of Wally had been taken, so too had another: Jade. Jenny-Lynn had been so close to his heart for so long that it took him a full week to realize what had happened, and he needed to leave, again, so he ended up in deep space, working undercover with the US government despite all they’d taken, or tried to take, from him. And that…hadn’t gone well either. So after that, he remained adrift with his thoughts, his memories of the love of his life, a woman who no longer existed. It hadn’t even occurred to him what Wally had lost.

* * *

Sinestro’s laughter cut off abruptly, and Kyle noticed, for the first time, the beam which had impaled the Korugarian warlord through the abdomen. He knew from experience that Sinestro could probably heal from that, so he was wary, but the glassy look in Sinestro’s eyes suggested something different.

“I didn’t kill her, boy. I would never. I…family is sacred. Even you know that.”

“Then how? Why? Why are you even here? What did I stop you from doing?”

Sinestro almost started chuckling again at that, but pain halted his laughter before it began.

“You stopped me from doing *nothing*, alley rat. This station is going to crash exactly where I want it to — right on top of Hal Jordan’s precious Coast City.”

* * *

He’d just come back from a mission with the Titans when he got the call. From her reaction, he guessed Donna had heard before he did, which made sense. As close as he felt with either of them, their connection was much, much deeper. Wally. Roy. A whole list of other heroes. Kyle hadn’t even known Sanctuary existed. And he wasn’t sure how to feel about it, because sure, it made sense. There were a number of times when he could have used a safe place, someone to talk to that wouldn’t judge, a way to work through the things he felt. Anyone would need that from time to time. But the way it was, kept secret, felt wrong to him. And evidently none of the people there knew about any of the others, which is what had apparently sparked the conflagration to begin with.

But it didn’t matter how he felt. Did it? His friends were dead, one only too soon after he came back. Every time he came back home, someone died. Someone he loved and cared about. Well, that was enough, wasn’t it? He wasn’t a part of the Corps anymore, that was all John and Hal and the others. He didn’t have a sector to patrol. He could just…go wherever, do whatever. Maybe in the process, learn how to access all the colors of the rainbow again. It didn’t matter what he did, so long as he did it _away_. So he left. Without telling anyone, one night he just flew off into space.

And then, months later, the alert. He hadn’t even realized he was as close to Earth as he was, and he almost didn’t answer the call. But the Watchtower reported Yellow Lantern activity, and despite his reluctance, that _was_ still his job. So he came. He came, and he fell, and he bled. And he was tired, so very tired. After what felt like another lifetime, he made it back to his makeshift pallet in front of the beacon he’d set up, checked it to make sure it was still functioning, and then laid down. He thought about his friend who died, his lover who never existed, and how there was so much wreckage, it might take the League another week to determine where this weak signal was coming from.

Kyle Rayner closed his eyes.

* * *

In his mind, Kyle spent ten minutes frantically looking through blueprints and calculating trajectories, trying desperately to find a way to stop the Watchtower from crushing Coast City. There was only one option, and he didn’t like it.

“Why bother, alley rat? This isn’t one of your, what did you call them, “comic books”. You’re not going to win the day today. My daughter isn’t going to come back to life and live with you forever like it’s a love story. This is a tragedy. You’ve already lost.”

Then again, liking something isn’t always necessary. Sometimes you just have to get the job done.

“Don’t you get it, Sinestro?”

Kyle smiled as he activated the self-destruct function.

“They’re _all_ love stories.”

* * *

“Kyle!”

Kyle opened his eyes, and the warmth was startling. Hadn’t it just been freezing? No matter. He blinked, and his vision coalesced into a familiar mop of red hair and green eyes.

“Wally! What’s up, man?”

“Got someone here who’s been waiting for you.”

Wally West smiled, brighter than Kyle had ever seen, and stepped to the side. Behind him was the most beautiful woman Kyle had ever seen in his life. Perfect green skin, green hair, a smile that would make any person melt. Kyle immediately found himself mirroring Wally’s smile.

“Jenny.”

He stood up and took her into his arms, feeling her, smelling her perfume, marveling at her, drowning in her. He would have stayed there forever, but he felt a tap on his shoulder.

“Come on, bro. We’re gonna be late for the barbecue. Linda just called, Roy and Lian just got there, and three hungry kids is a recipe for disaster. You’ll have all the time in the world to catch up.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Let’s go.”

Kyle put one of his arms around his best friend’s shoulders and another around the love of his life.

It was going to be a good day.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I took liberties with continuity here. This is *technically* set some months after Heroes in Crisis, though given that there's still one more issue out there, it might not be accurate as of that issue, so I'm not really worried about continuity. Update 6/1/19: Yeah, this is a fully divergent timeline. I'm not exactly sure where the divergence is going to take place yet, but it definitely ends differently.
> 
> I've heavily implied that The Omega Men takes place after the events of Rebirth, because a.) Kyle wasn't really used properly in the early Rebirth stuff, and I kind of want to ignore the whole "Soranik Sinestro" shit anyway, so as far as I'm concerned, Kyle was doing that, and then recuperating, and then Titans.
> 
> And then Heroes in Crisis.
> 
> Also, this is the first long-form thing I've written in earnest in several years, so I expect it's rusty. I apologize for that. If I do decide to get back to this, hopefully I'll work that out.


End file.
